Back to school

After what seems like an eternity!

Seeing the first years scuttling from one orientation briefing to another reminds me of my own first semester. The semester on the whole was pretty useless, but I do remember wishing time would stand still around this time three years ago. Well it didn’t. A lot more exciting things happened and I can’t be more thankful for them.

After my never-ending internship, today is the first time I am going to do some school related study stuff. It’s so exciting. Even if it’s just meeting a supervisor and getting briefed. I like this old feeling. It’s like getting back to your comfort zone. Your habits.

It might sound crazy but I love the fact that I am feeling poor again, contemplating a part-time job. I am looking at my time table over and again, trying to find time to snooze in between classes, trying to find project mates early and running around campus. And I’m loving it.

Can’t believe I’ll be graduating in less than a year. I guess time loves to run away, when you most want it to stand still.

Week One: Fried Brain

After trying to get things back in order during week zero, I was looking forward to school starting asap. First week is always fun. Everyone is back from home, fresh and ready for the semester. The air is filled with the usual gossip about who lost weight and who didn’t, who went places and who chilled at home. Everyone has gotten their sleep, and everyone is talking about partying.

Everything is ‘the usual’. The usual people, the usual chaos, the usual lazyness and the usual excitement to see everyone again. The usual ‘catching up’ lunches and dinners, the usual who-changed-hair-style discussions. The usual happy faces. The usual freshmen and the usual seniors on the prowl for freshmen. Good days, sigh.

In the midst of ‘the usual’ things happening, I stagger into the lecture theatre with tired, sleep-deprived eyes. My friends think I need therapy. But when you wake up at 4am to work on a proposal, reach office at 9, go for a project briefing at 10, try to figure out the fourth groupmate for the 6 credit project course, get back for a meeting at 12, grab a quick bite at 1, rush to the post office at 2, fix up a dance rehearsal for 6 pm, and come back to office to a brand new email that says ‘meeting at 9 pm today’, there’s no way you can react. Because your brain is fried.

Post-Assessment Trauma

When I was in the last years of school, we used to have spot check for uniforms. Our hands would automatically start adjusting our skirts to make them look like they are no higher than 2.5 inches above the knee. The ties would be pulled up, all the way up, enough to almost choke us, since we would rather get choked than button up our shirts until the top. Me, being the disciplined one always managed to escape the scolding. We also had pop quizzes for chemistry which half the class would inevitably fail. In PE, we had random assessments for running a 2.4k or sit-ups or pull-ups. Physics lab was always a surprise since we never came to know beforehand whether we were actually going to work in the lab or just discuss tutorials.

After going to college I sort of forgot about all this. Everything had a deadline about which we were informed months before. There are no ‘Surprise term paper’ or ’surprise lecture quiz’ or ’surprise projects’. We know exactly how much time we have before handing in the next assignment. I forgot how a random assessment feels like. Only to be reminded again, today.

When I saw those survey forms which my “girls” filled up today, my heart kind of skipped a beat. When they were filling in details about whether I constantly ask them questions related to studies or if I inspire them to be better, or whether I can be a role model to them, I was thinking if one month is a long enough time to be coming to a conclusion like this. I wonder if it’s only me who thinks this way or would someone else have the same opinion as I do. I wonder what everyone would have said. Am I considered one of the friendly ones or am I the intimidating kind? Sigh. Surprise tests suck. I would rather run a 2.4 kilometers on a hot afternoon.

Changing Lanes

I have successfully survived the most terrible of all weekends! This weekend goes down in my journal. I slogged, for two assessments today morning, I was made to dance until every muscle of my body ached, I packed up and left my old place to come to a new one.

Remember how a few weeks ago  I was concerned about moving in with a roommate. Well, turns out there was something different planned for me. Suddenly sometime last week I got a job which, instead of paying me in cash, gave me a room to stay. I was only too eager to take it, given the ever-rising rents over here. They told me that they needed me to move in asap which was a little unrealistic for me because a day only has 24 hours. I said an unsure yes. And then I saw the room.

It was fantastic! My then current room looked like a cupboard under the stairs compared to my now current room. Although this one was out-of-campus, and I knew absolutely nobody here, I was excited to move. Thus, the day produced a few extra hours miraculously and I was all set to go to my new place.

And so, right now this is the first constructive thing that I am doing since I unpacked in the afternoon. This is one of the best things that could ever have happened. I am no longer tempted to go down at 2 am to grab a bite, because nothing is open. I cannot barge into anyone’s room, no one barges into mine. I don’t smell the barbecue from the party happening in one of the pits. I don’t hear drunk people coming back at 4 am. And I don’t get distracted by just looking at people walking up and down. You know what, I miss my old place, just this teensy bit.

Un-Comfortably Numb

I am going to be 2* (hidden for obvious reasons) soon, and I’ve finally figured out what kind of a person I am.

I like to take up more things that I can handle, with ultimate enthusiasm, and then find just about enough time to tell people that I have no time to stop and say hi to them, thus eventually MURDERING my own social life. And this is not it. After all this, I will go around, behaving as if being puritan is the ‘in’ thing these days.

I am the kind of person who would stare greedily at the tea-stall but not spend seventy cents on tea because I am saving up every penny to be able to go back home without having to ask my parents for the money, but fish out ten dollars and give it to child relief fund at that very moment AND then debate with myself for half an hour about whether I did the right thing.

I can promise myself to eat lots of healthy food, only to eat instant noodles at night and pretend that ‘I’ wasn’t looking.

I am someone who can go with three hours of sleep every night for three weeks, then sleep for 8 hours one night, and be ready to start the 3 hour schedule again.

I can spend hours looking at one sentence in a book and not reading it. This, because of my attention span being less than half a minute.

I am a girl, but I am scared of stuffed toys, dolls, circus clowns and I don’t eat chocolates. If someone gifted me a bouquet of flowers, I would most probably refuse to take it. I weigh myself only during quintessential medical check-ups, and never in between.

I am human, but I don’t like pizza.

I am super insecure about time. I reach an hour earlier than required on airports, bus stations and train stations.

I carry the heaviest possible bag around on my shoulders, and my hands are still full of books and notes.

And thus, I am facing a quarter-life-crisis.

Dilemma

There’s a big chance that I’ll be sharing room with another girl next semester. Something I haven’t done in more than two years. And it already feels weird. Although I’m really accommodating and easy to live with, I have not really managed to have good experiences with most of my roommates from before.

My official ex-roommate and I never talked. She was one year my junior, and she never spoke! We would sit on tables that were stuck to each other and never talk. Only once, we had a conversation. When she was really scared for her exams. And we talked until 2 am. I had to tell her to go to sleep, and she still didn’t want to.  Next day, it was like someone gave her pills to induce amnesia. She didn’t even smile when she looked at me.

And now, it’s that time again. The only reason I am looking forward to it is that I want to measure how much I have grown up since then. It’s necessary, right? To be able to adjust, and tolerate, and have fun.